It’s that pain you feel when you close your eyes and tears start streaming down your cheeks that kills you the most…
You rest the back of your head against the wall and your spine feels the edge of the tiles meeting the cold walls as you’ve curled yourself on the floor barefooted, your toes curl from the coldness but the excruciating pain never ends. It only gets exacerbated every second, turning from bad to worse.
It’s that pain you feel when you start getting flashbacks, when you try to remember what went wrong, when you make up an entirely different scenario in your head of what it would have been like now if things didn’t go that way. It’s that pain that makes you feel mentally sick, emotionally pathetic, and physically helpless.
You start wishing if you had talked about it. You start thinking that maybe if you’ve said something earlier things wouldn’t have ended the way they did, but the truth slams the door of lies shut in front of your eyes, and the pain overwhelms your not-so-smart brain. You beg for mercy as you hide your face in the palms of your hands, but it’s too late now no one would listen to your complaint.
You sink in guilt, you shiver from the coldness that’s trying to break through your skin, you shut your eyes and beg one last time for forgiveness, but the pain lingers on the scars that hurt the most, the pain lingers until you’re responsible enough to take the blame, until your inflated lungs allow you to exhale and breathe fresh air, and until your aching heart starts beating to pump the blood through your veins to warm your covered-with-goose-bumps skin under the rain.
Only then it’ll say its farewell speech
“Goodbye, you once-hollow body
Now I know you can make it on your own.
Now that you’ve become stronger, more alive and vibrant
Nothing can stand against your soul
I know I’ve changed you forever,
you’ll never be the same again
But I can promise you, now that you’ve recovered
You’ll never go through this ever
This chapter of your life is finally over,
this time not only for good, but for the better
Its pages will never be read again.”