One last kiss

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image Never knew it would be this hard

To see him in pain…would take me back to the start

To see him hurt…he said it “I’m broken”

Ached my so-called ice-cold heart

It took me by surprise

The tears that filled his eyes

Got me torn from the inside

It’s like I could see right through him

And it’s awful how I broke his heart

Come my love, the angels above can see

The pain you feel and how much it’s hurting me

Just one last kiss

One last time

Forget about the world

And close your eyes

Reminisce about the days

I laid in your arms

Put my head on your chest

Listened to the beats of your heart

Just one last kiss

One last time

I swear I’d let you go

You were never mine

But I’ll set you free

When I make you happy

So come close, love

Lest the angels above

Have had enough

My heart can no longer take

The tears in your eyes… It makes my heart ache.

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Exposed

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Being his muse
Got me confused
He stole my words
Now I’m tongue-tied

Being his muse
He pulled me close
I stared at him…eyes open-wide
And for seconds..His gaze held mine

I got a bit closer…He looked away
His skin was burning…his hands were shaking
I came closer….wondering if I were mistaken
He said please don’t do this to me…
His eyes strayed away…as if I were a walking sin
He asked me to go behind these walls…for a couple of minutes so he’d make me feel it all
I was startled by his quest…I froze…tongue-tied I was perplexed
How dare he think he could ask me such thing…as if I were merely a walking sin
How would he dare to do such act…how dare he thought I would say yes to that
I should have walked away the minute he spit it out
I should have said “hey! I’m not that barbie you can play with in a corner and when you’re satisfied…you throw her down”

But something about his eyes says I’m not merely a sin
Something about his lies made it hard for me to hurt him
Something about his jokes makes me laugh real hard
Something about this whole thing makes me think what have I done
Something from what he said…to be honest, got under my skin…
But I know better than to believe those lies, I know exactly whats he feels and what he hides..
A crush, a fantasy filled with burning lust, eating him inside out
A dying urge killing him to have a taste of the forbidden lips of those mouth
As soon as he gets what he wants he can finally feel accomplished, or at least lose his doubts
Little does he know how poisoned he could get
Little does he know how he could become an addict

Now guilt is creeping up my skin
Insomnia is haunting me again
For me not being able to shut him out, to push him away, or to make him hate me for both of our sakes…we both know I am no good for him.

Strangers Now

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Strangers were we at the ballroom tonight, exchanging glances that didn’t last for more than few seconds then looking back to whatever seemed worth looking at.

I felt the tension rising in the void we’ve created a couple of years ago between us, I felt your warm breath on my cold shivering skin as you tried to come closer, but I walked away anyway because looking at you meant going back to where I was: where I hated to be.

I tried to take a sly look at your face when you looked away just to make sure that it was you: that it wasn’t just all in my head. However, I still couldn’t believe my eyes when your gaze held mine and I don’t know for how long did this last but it ended when I turned my back to you laughing at some stupid joke one of my friends said that I didn’t even hear which I’m sure wasn’t that funny but I stood there feeling aghast and faking the laugh anyway.

As I tried to plaster the best fake smile on my face I felt sick from the pretension. You kept staring at me with those angry eyes and somehow you managed to make me feel uncomfortable but that feeling didn’t last for long, I swear it didn’t. The moment I remembered how I felt when you were around, I started thinking how grateful I should be right now, how relieved I should feel for the the fact that I don’t have to see your face everyday, how easy life became after you were gone, and how much I felt like myself again as I dressed back into my own skin the moment I decided that it was over and we were done. I looked at your reflection in the mirror as you started preening yourself but this time I saw a different person; I wasn’t sure if it was you anymore, is it possible for someone to change this much…you looked so, I don’t know how to describe it, “average” maybe someone would say, but to me your face was so “non-memorable”: a face that would never catch my eye and I would most probably forget the second I turn away from it.

I cannot imagine how did I feel the way l felt about you back then, and I don’t know why did I have any feelings towards you in first place, but I do know one thing now (actually I’m certain) I’m glad we are strangers now. 

A Selfish Heart

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With words that burned like fire, I rekindled our love

And the woman that he desired, I became

As the full moon watched us from above

–Two untamable souls, crushed, burning up in flames–

The words that burned like fire became colder than ice

And my heart stopped beating when I froze inside

Too weak I became to take another fight

against the coldness of my heart just to make it beat again

and in his arms I laid so he won’t know I’ve changed

but my heart wouldn’t beat again, and I couldn’t pretend

I couldn’t close my eyes and sleep in peace

and insomnia crept up my skin

lest my mask would fall off my face.

so I went to paint another portrait

just in case he looked at me and couldn’t find for my soul a trace

he’d remember how I was like and what I used to be

even though I’ve changed now

He could at least fall into a reverie

when distant my soul would be though my body is still around

Is it too selfish that I don’t want him to leave

even though in disgrace and hatred I’ve drowned?

Is it selfish that even though I don’t want him to rescue me

I want him to stand, watch me getting lost in a place where I could never be found?

Is it selfish from me now, or was it selfish  from him when he asked

me to change and make my heart beat for him as long as my breathing lasts?

It’s just not fair that even though I’ve tried, he still has the right to walk away

And if you asked him why? He would say that I’ve failed

to make my heart beat for him

to be so humane

O, how I wish for him to be the one to blame! But I know it’s not his fault.

O, how long will I long for those days to come back again?

Now that my heart has changed, now that I’m cold again, I know I won’t long for anything I’ve lost

Sorry, love, but it was your mistake to fall for a selfish heart.

O, Sweet, Aching Pain.

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It’s that pain you feel when you close your eyes and tears start streaming down your cheeks that kills you the most…

You rest the back of your head against the wall and your spine feels the edge of the tiles meeting the cold walls as you’ve curled yourself on the floor barefooted, your toes curl from the coldness but the excruciating pain never ends. It only gets exacerbated every second, turning from bad to worse.

It’s that pain you feel when you start getting flashbacks, when you try to remember what went wrong, when you make up an entirely different scenario in your head of what it would have been like now if things didn’t go that way. It’s that pain that makes you feel mentally sick, emotionally pathetic, and physically helpless.

You start wishing if you had talked about it. You start thinking that maybe if you’ve said something earlier things wouldn’t have ended the way they did, but the truth slams the door of lies shut in front of your eyes, and the pain overwhelms your not-so-smart brain. You beg for mercy as you hide your face in the palms of your hands, but it’s too late now no one would listen to your complaint.

You sink in guilt, you shiver from the coldness that’s trying to break through your skin, you shut your eyes and beg one last time for forgiveness, but the pain lingers on the scars that hurt the most, the pain lingers until you’re responsible enough to take the blame, until your inflated lungs allow you to exhale and breathe fresh air, and until your aching heart starts beating to pump the blood through your veins to warm your covered-with-goose-bumps skin under the rain.

Only then it’ll say its farewell speech

 “Goodbye, you once-hollow body

  Now I know you can make it on your own.

 Now that you’ve become stronger, more alive and vibrant

 Nothing can stand against your soul

 I know I’ve changed you forever,

 you’ll never be the same again

 But I can promise you, now that you’ve recovered

 You’ll never go through this ever

 This chapter of your life is finally over,

 this time not only for good, but for the better

  Its pages will never be read again.”

I Cannot Write

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“How prosaic was that piece”

I yelled and screamed

words of sorrow and grief

about a writing of my own

But I never cried thus never felt relieved

about the fact that I cannot write!

     —–

My brain is filled with unfinished lines

too many stories to tell filled with dirty old lies

insomnia haunts me, but still I can’t get it right

when it comes to typing those lines down

My fingers freeze and behind the screen I hide

O, I just cannot write!

     —–

I used to think that I’d be satisfied

if I shut myself out and buried those feelings underneath

the bones of my rib-cage, but now I cannot breathe

and I’m suffocating…can you believe

I utterly cannot write!

   —–

Those stories are now eating me up inside

but I just can’t spit them out even though I tried

to scream and shout ’cause I just can’t type

them down again. It doesn’t feel right

Because I know I cannot write!

     —–

Too many distractions have taken my attention

away from the things I should be concerned

about, and now when I look at my reflection

in the mirror. Uninspired is how I feel

O, dear

it’s so clear

now I’ve a chance to make it right

I can’t just hide behind my fears

forever. I must confess that

I cannot write!

The Devil Lies

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The devils’ lies

say that hatred hides

behind the angels’ eyes

and it picked the perfect disguise

where no one would find

what they could possibly hide

behind

their utterly innocent-looking eyes

The devil lies

but someday the incandescent will glow so bright

that it will blind

his dark eyes

just to create light

in the darkness that filled our minds

so we could finally find

what laid inside

their beautiful eyes

what will make us wonder if we’ve always been blind

The devil lied.

Surprised?

it wasn’t his first time

 

I’m Your Favorite Sin

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I can see it with my own eyes

even though you’re in disguise

The curiosity you couldn’t hide

–a tide rising over time–

blowing up your mind

Flattered was my pride

that you couldn’t deny it

when your mind decided

it could no longer hide that

I’m your favorite sin

I can see it again

the incandescent in your blood

running through your veins

burning within

to ignite what’s rekindled

inflaming till you surrendered

to carve your heart that hid beneath

bones of a rib-cage weakened by unease

And you closed your eyes as you stood ashamed

when it got written all over your skin

–just to show me once again–

That I’m your favorite sin.

Life’s Clock

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Tic toc…

they’re dying

Tic toc…

They’re born

Tic toc…

We’re living

in the life that we disown

Tic toc…

We’re dying

Tic toc…

We’re gone

Tic toc…

to the same unknown

place they have gone

Tic toc…

and so it goes

Tic toc…

it never stops

Tic toc…

it’s the life’s clock

in which our time has flown

Tic toc…

it keeps on ticking

whether we come or go

Moving on 

One can choose to stay stuck 

Reminiscing all the things that I once had and now they’re gone 

I remember all the words you said to me, they flashback into my head, and bring tears to my eyes. I choke a little, and I could barely feel my heart beat, however, I think it’s time for me to start moving on. 

She

Her throat tightened every time she tried to say his name out loud, her body shivered whenever she reminisced his touch.

People as desperate usually give up in situations like these, but she was different…she never gave up…she never even allowed her mind to have this thought for the slightest second.

Heart ache by a heart ache she felt stronger even though in the beginning she had to drag her feet every step of the way, but that was only in the beginning…now she leads the way of those who were lost and strayed.

She flew around the world, so many different places, and she walked away from so many broken hearts without looking back. Reneging on every commitment she had made, her body felt tainted, even worse; her rib-cage felt empty (like if there wasn’t a heart inside pumping blood through her veins and keeping her alive).

He made her feel alive; he gave her a reason to live for, to wait for the second day, and to think for hours about him…only him. How could he simply say that if only I weren’t…I would’ve been with you by now. What was he thinking? She knew what you were and she obviously accepted it. How dare you decide that it’d be wrong if the two of you got together? How dare you decide that after you’ve been chasing her every second to convince her that you should be together…how dare you?

But it’s too late now she’s already changed. Look into her eyes: devoid of emotions they reflect her empty soul. You mean nothing to her anymore. You never even cross her mind…she mastered playing the cold-hearted role till she lost herself…she doesn’t know how to feel again. All the emptiness and darkness you’ve filled her with are now painted on her face in the form of a beautiful smile that everyone gets dazzled with.

The Murderer Was Haunted by a Ghost

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There you laid, on your bed where I also hid. Yes, I’m the ghost living underneath your bed.

I’ll drag you under,

suffocate you, but you’ll fight till the last breath and when you surrender, I’ll batter you, to leave on your skin scars and bruises that you can never forget.

Forgive my temper!

I just can’t refrain myself from cutting those old scars that once bled your contaminated, bitter, tainted  blood.

Did you know who I am now? Try to remember!

I’m the girl you once met at a train station and you didn’t hesitate to use her body as a shield to protect you from the bullets they shot.

They aimed their guns at you before they pulled the trigger, but you were too lucky (or at least that’s what you thought)

Though you didn’t even know my name

And my only mistake was standing at the perfect spot

You treated me as if I was property and you didn’t care

About my life to be taken away by bullets your heart should have got

And before your eyes meet mine, your hands were on my shoulder placing me in front

of your precious body. Yes, right there I stood.

Now, can you render

the life that I once had and you stole without having a second thought?

I don’t think so! You’re not God.

In their eyes you were a murderer, but they didn’t know

The murderer was haunted by a ghost.

Mermaid

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Waves of an untamable sea

brought this to the shore

Not a human eye have seen

anything like it before:

a mermaid with a long blue tail

lying with confidence on the edge of a brail

She spoke words of utter nonsense

And everyone around her looked perplexed

But she had to deliver the message;

it was the reason why she was sent

So with her frail fingers she drew on the sand

Monsters and devils taking over the land

and only one among the crowd knew what it meant

but instead of speaking up, he kept it as a secret

’cause it was his secret as well but it wasn’t just his story to tell

not to expose a thing he made some adjustments to the plan

and this time it involved killing the mermaid.

Poor mermaid, shivering from his sense of betrayal

started scribbling “KILLER” with her tail on the sand

but no one got the message she’s been trying to send

Poor mermaid, now it’s too late

He’s already shouting “This creature should be killed! The mermaid shall die before the moon fades away.”

“I heard that if the mermaid stayed till the sun rises the next day, not only her curse will alter our lives for the worse but it will transmute everything on this land as well.”

Poor mermaid, now she shall rest in peace, she’d already tried everything she can

Poor mermaid, alas the killer got away with his crime by baffling some ancient stories while holding the weapon in his hands.

Poor mermaid, but someday they will regret that he stayed, pine away that you’re gone, and up against him they’ll stand.